Are you a serial relationshipist? Have you been married since time began? Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be single on Valentines day?
First, a little love day history,
The history of Saint Valentine is foggy at best and is up for debate which is the true story but.. there are at least 3 different saints that the Catholics refer to as Valentine (or Valentinus) and a couple of the legends are as follows:
One legend is of a priest, named Valentine, who secretly wed young lovers after Rome decided that single men made better soldiers compared to those married. so marriage was banned for said young men. When the Emperor Claudius II found out he was doing this, he had him executed, making him a martyr and saint, hence the day of love taking his name.
Another legend of Valentine (but is it another Valentine? or is it a different version of the same Valentine? Such a captivating mystery..), is that he helped Christians escape the roman prisons, which were more like concentration camps and less like Four Seasons, and according to this legend, while he was imprisoned to be killed (also making him a martyr surprise-surprise) he wrote a letter to a young woman he had fallen in love with and signed it “Your Valentine,” a signature we still use today.
Regardless of which legend you choose to believe, or the ever so popular legend of Hallmark Greeting Cards creating a holiday in their efforts to take over the world, one consumer at a time, St Valentine was heroic, romantic, selfless, and empathetic. Its those attributes that made him pretty damn popular and had an ever lasting effect on all us suckers looking for our very own fairy tale. So Valentine’s Day became a day for grand gestures. A day we celebrate our one and only, or just our Mr. /Mrs. right now. A day we scream from the roof tops “I’m in love, I’m in love and I don’t care who knows it”(I feel like Elf can be quoted in pretty much any circumstance, and i’m not even a little mad about it). It’s a day of flowers, and roses, and bubble baths and diamonds. A day for the warm and fuzzies and heart shaped emojis (especially the one with hearts for eyes).
But for those of us who spend this day without the man or lady of our dreams, its a day we eat chocolate alone, or order a whole DQ ice cream cake and share it with our same sex friends, with only forks and not a plate to be seen. if it happens to fall on a weekend, its a day we drink a whole box of wine before 6pm. its a day we get chocolates *only* from our mom and dad – “you’ll always be my valentine sweety, even if you’re no one else’s. Love Mom and Dad.” (seriously though, if you didn’t, i would have to do it myself, so thanks guys) Its a day we cringe at every Spence diamond commercial and heart shaped pizza(that we have just ordered and will consume in its entirety …solo) a day we secretly wish we had someone to “choo choo choose” us. (Simpson’s, classic.) and a day we avoid all the romcoms on TV and search “horror movies” on Netflix. Its a day we examine our past relationships and think “that wasn’t so bad… i could have dealt with his incessant need to pick his nose and flick it, or make out with every girl at every bar, every weekend” and drunk Valentext that ex just because our heart hurts from being alone. Its a day we can text our single friends (and if you have real good ones, your not single friends too) and say that we are totally not looking for love right now anyway. That we are COMPLETELY happy being single and that you have to love yourself first before loving anyone else and I’m pretty great so I’m just working on loving myself right now and screw guys, i don’t need a man to be happy. Then an hour and a half later (and all the wine), you and that single friend three-way call your not single friend and say how lucky they are to have someone and that all you want to do is find someone who will love you for who you are and its not fair that so-and-so from high school and that super hot guy just got engaged and shes posted like 7 pictures of different angles of her ring on instagram and that’s really bad insta etiquette.
The struggle to be loveless on a day made for love is real and its the dumps.
BUT, its also a day most people leave us alone(because all they want to do is talk about their self proclaimed amazing plans but every time they bring it up to us they see our eyes glaze over and our skin turn green from
envy nausea ) Its a day we don’t have to wrestle the throngs of diners hoping to get the perfect table with the perfect view at the perfect restaurant. Its a day our ridiculous expectations for romance aren’t completely obliterated by a surprise dinner date at Old Country Buffet, some babies breath and a 30 minute phone call to his mom. Its a day we can drink too much wine or beer and not “ruin” the evening. and a day we can lounge around the house, eat whatever we want and not have to shower or wear pants (and lets face it, any day without pants is a good day). Its a day to take inventory of what you really do have to be thankful for. Its a day to love your friends, and your family, and its a day to love yourself. Whether it be buying yourself those chocolates, or that pizza, or even the newest Captain America movie just so you can stare at how hot Chris Evans is and pause it when he’s shirtless, without judgement. Its a day for single parents to love their children just a little extra, and a day for single friends to get together, eat, drink and laugh too much, making a pact that no matter what, we will always be each others Valentine. Its a day of love, in any and all of its forms
Valentine’s Day gets a lot of slack for being a made up or unnecessary holiday, that every day of the year we should take time to show the one we love that we love them the most and that there shouldn’t be a day that we have to go out and buy a bunch of gifts and flowers just to say “i love you”. But the problem is, life is busy. We have to work to live, we have to spend hours at a job we might not like that much to pay the bills, or pay off student debts, or spend all day every day with our kids. (which is fantastic but parents need time for themselves too). Our society is in a constant state of “go” and all Valentine’s Day does is remind us to stop and smell those roses and acknowledge your spouse(or family or friends) for being the best damn companion a guy/girl could have in this crazy thing we call life. No, you don t have to spend money, no you don’t have to go to the nicest restaurant in the swankiest part of the city, no you don’t need to show up with a stretch limo filled with 12 dozen roses (a dozen for each month you’ve been together-obviously), or the biggest gesture of all, propose. But if its been a crazy year.. or last couple of months. Go home, make dinner, switch your phone off, have some chocolate and wine and spend a few hours just being with the person or people that make you feel loved and make them feel the love you have for them in return.
To my friends, my Valentines,
my Family, my Valentines
and of course, My Lilee-Jean, my forever Valentine.
Thank you for making me feel loved every second of every day.
I love you, too.
Also… Chris Evans..