At some point in our daily on-goings, we all take a step back and categorize the things that take up our time, into “makes me happy now” and “worth it in the end.” We do it, mostly, because there are things in our lives that make us miserable. A job you don’t like, living in a place you don’t like, staying in a relationship with a partner you don’t like. We do it because we think “put your head down and work, its worth the sacrifice. It will all work out in the end.” and true enough. But that only works if you remember to lift that wonderful head of your’s up and take inventory of what’s around you.
Confession time: I haven’t been writing the book lately (I know, I know, you’re probably saying.. umm stop writing these silly little blogs and get ON it lady).
I WANT to write it. I have a home office all set up, all my note books, research, hospital reports and highlighters (an often over looked staple in writing-but important nonetheless) and a picture of my sweet girl donning my desk. But the chair is now dusty because I feel like I just don’t have time. That’s a cop-out, I know. But I work two jobs, 5 days a week so that I can pay my rent, pay off some debt and, you know, eat and stuff. I commute to and from job #1, then get home, eat, clean up, change and go to job #2. I am home for one and a half hours before leaving again. After job #2, I shower, put the coffee on for the morning and then fall into bed and pass out. In fact, there has even been a few times that I’ve almost fallen asleep standing up in the elevator.
I am exhausted.
Saturday morning rolls around and all I want to do is enjoy things; literally anything. And Sunday is prep for the treacherous week to come.
Before you think I am dancing in confetti at my own pity party, I am okay with it all. I am okay with not being home. I am okay with working like a dog. I am okay with doing my time because it is worth it in the end. The issue I am having this week-on top of the issues I always have– is the balance between spending time now, to do what makes my soul glow, or put my head down and sacrifice my happiness now (for lack of a better description) so that I can move forward financially, which, in the long run is FOR my happiness.
But after the INCREDIBLE and completely unexpected excitement from you all about my little book (remember when I wrote my Before I’m 30, Why The Hell Not, Do Epic Shit, Be a Badass Bitch and Dance In The MF Rain List #4 was to publish my little book. Surprise! The Ordinary Girl is my little book!) I started to think about what I need to get through this life. Not what I want, not what I think I deserve, but what I truly need to push through each and every day.
Shockingly <insert sarcasm emoji here>, it’s creativity.
*Side Note* wow. WOW you guys, could a girl BE any more supported, loved, encouraged?? When I revised this little book, time and time again, I realized a few things. One, rhyming is HARD, like really hard and two, how much fun it was to write a short little story full of magic and love. I am so excited for you all to read the introductory story and, hopefully, a few more of her adventures after that. xox
When I say ‘creativity,’ I don’t just mean writing a few little things here and there, maybe reorganizing my knickknacks, or throwing a pumpkin on the kitchen table, pouring a glass of red and pretending that I decorated for fall.
I mean putting some TLC into one of the thousand ideas, plans, schemes, love notes, books and adventures I have in my head. I mean making a plan of action to go to England (time off work, flight, accommodation, budget, where to “accidentally” meet Prince Harry, fall in Love and live happily ever after. You know, logistics), coming up with concepts for The Ordinary Girl’s next adventure, or taking off my pants (and probably bra, tbh) making a pot of tea, getting a bowl of popcorn and working on the big book. I mean doing
something anything that pushes my creative buttons and allows the endorphins that only creation can give me, to rush through my veins.
THAT is what I need. THAT is what makes this life worth it. Along with continuing to tell Lilee-Jean’s story, I was meant to create, not just participate.
Yes, I could do that on the weekends. My two and only glorious days off. But. as I am sure all of you know, the weekends fly by in a blink of an eye and at the end of a long week, my brain doesn’t seem to function the way I would like it too. My emotional and mental energy reservoir has become a puddle by that point and I am done.
So when do I lift my wonderful head up and take inventory. At what point do I compare my present well-being to my sacrifices and realize that maybe one out weighs the other. Maybe a little less hard work and a little more creating will give me that balance I am so desperate for.
Does that mean that my debts will take longer to pay off? Probably
Does that mean that my book might not take as long to finish? Probably.
Does that mean I will be nurturing my mind and soul with more urgency? Definitely.
So I encourage you, lift that head. That beautiful, smart, creative, analytical, thinking-out-side-of-the-box head and take inventory. Make some plans. Take some time to pursue what you love, no, MAKE some time regularly to pursue what you love.
Because if we just keep putting our heads down, we will forget what the stars look like.
And if we forget what the stars look like, we won’t know where to aim.
Eyes to the sky, kids.