Why The ‘No’s’ Are What I Regret Most 

We all have a predisposition.

We all have a preconceived notion on how things go, how certain people are, what kind of people we like, who we are attracted to and what our world is supposed to look like.

We all think before we know, we all act before we’ve experienced. We all make choices based on this false idea of being knowledgeable but in reality we just jumped to a conclusion based on the smallest, most disposable, fact. 

Let’s say you came to a fork in the road.
Left looked fine, average, same old same old. And right was unknown. No danger, per se, just something you didn’t know. Maybe the trees looked different, or maybe the road was gravel and you had always walked on brick, I don’t know, but it was different.
If you walked up to this cross-road without a choice already made, you would be able to make a decision based on how walking down the new path made you feel. Maybe you would turn around and go back to old faithful, after realizing its not for you, or maybe you wouldn’t. Maybe you would find something along that path that spoke right to your soul; something you had never even considered before.

But if you were walking with your head down, thinking that you know the path you had to take before getting to the crossroads, you would always do the same. Same thing, same path, same people, same job, same life. Same. Always. Over and over. If you stick to what you know, what you know will be the only thing to stick to you.

So why do we want to say no before we know what we are saying no to?

I am a firm believer that we can learn from every situation and every. single. human. that we come into contact with.  There is never not a lesson. Sometimes, the lesson is as simple as “when your gut tells you not to walk down that sketchy AF ally, don’t do it” and sometimes the lesson can be profound and life changing.

Sometimes we meet humans that stay for a year and hardly make a mark and sometimes we have a brief encounter with someone who changes the way we see colour for the rest of our lives.

Who are we to discount something or someone, before we even know what we are discounting? And yet, every one of us does it.

The point is, if we are going to learn lessons, if we are going to grow and change and adapt, and make the most of this thing we call life, why would we constantly do the same thing to try to learn something knew? Why would we move with the same motions and expect a different outcome?

I like the known. I spent so much time living in a world of unknowns that I became fearful of them. To my own defense, it was literally life and death for the most part, but coming out of that world, I’ve carried that fear with me.

But it’s in the not knowing, not following a plan, not making an assumption or judgement; where freedom truly lies.

I want adventure.

I don’t want an ordinary life; I had one that was too extraordinary for me to have gone back to this ordinary day-to-day for good.

I don’t want to say no. I don’t want any already made choices, lists, or opinions to keep me from things that might take me on one of those adventures I’m so desperate for.

Don’t like Jazz but someone invited you to go see live Jazz? Go. Seriously, what harm could it do? You might walk away with a new appreciation for Jazz or, at the very least, you might still not like jazz but have a really great time out with a friend.
Shit, you might even realize you LIKE jazz and its your Friend you don’t like.

Don’t think you like scotch? Try doing a professional tasting(or a tasting with a friend who knows their stuff). If you open your mind to it, at the very least you will be able to appreciate it.

Don’t like Blondes? Date one. apparently,  they have more fun.

Don’t like roller coasters? go on one. Face that fear, like.. once a year. Maybe you will grow to love them(because they are awesome).

When an opportunity presents it’s self, especially when it’s something you have never done, before saying no, stop and ask yourself why no is your automatic response.

Then take a deep breath, exhale the fear, and say yes. (or at the very, very least, consider it.)

Because it’s all the times I said no out of fear that I look back on, out of breaking the “plan” inside my head, or out of my brain, not my body, saying he’s not my type or that food is gross; those are the things that I regret. Maybe half the time it was a good idea (like not eating anything called “Seafood Medley in Oil” that comes in a jar) but that other half could have been an adventure. That other half could have taught me something about myself, other people, or the world around me.

So, as spring FINALLY makes its appearance (after an actual snow storm… in March… mid March… snowstorm…???) I am starting to clean.

Not my house, not my storage, not that one cupboard in the kitchen that is a complete shit cyclone, usually full of Tupperware without  lids. Nope, not that cleaning. the soul cleaning. the mind cleaning. The predetermined opinions cleaning.

When something different comes your way, throw out everything you thought you knew. Give that person, that situation, or that adventure, the cleanest slate you can manage and let the story be told in a way it never has been before… through you.

ps: Brunettes are pretty damn fun, too.
What will you say yes too? 

Chelsey xo


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