Not of the wheel, that shit is locked down.
Reinvention, for us humans, is not a new concept. The creation of a new version of ourselves, multiple times in our lives, is something that we have done for decades and will continue to do for decades. Career wise alone, Canadians, on average, will change careers (not just jobs), 5-7 times in their lives. Now let’s think about how many times we have cut our hair, changed it’s colour, changed our fashion style, changed our friends, changed majors in university, changed partners, changed houses, changed cities, and even changed countries. We are always in motion as we grow, learn and adapt in life. Our circumstances and our genetics are constantly pushing and pulling us in different directions, forcing us to make change after change; sometimes small, like the length of our hair and sometimes massive, like the country we live in.
Change is a part of how this world evolves (or doesn’t evolve, in way too many cases) and it evokes fear, courage, excitement, anxiety, joy, pain and hopefulness in all who confront it. But change, by choice, is ultimately good.
If you choose to leave your long-term, good paying job because you are unfulfilled, you might be terrified at the prospect of a lower-income, of hating your new job, or worse, of not finding a new job at all. But are you serving yourself by staying miserable? Yes, it might take the next 3 jobs you have to find the one that satisfies your soul, but if you did not make that choice to leave the first one, you would be stagnant in your misery.
It may be heartbreaking to leave your partner, even if you know that the love that was once there is gone. It might split up your family, it might increase the hours you have to work to make a living and I can guarantee that you will be lonely as hell. But is it serving you or the person you once loved (and maybe still do in a different kind of way) to stay? Yes, it will be an adjustment and you will need to figure a lot of shit out, but one day, when you find the right person for you, probably after dating a bunch of schmucks, the heart ache and struggle will be worth every second that you get to love on your new person.
Change is not easy, but it is necessary. We fear it because we do not know what happens on the other side of the fence. But if you are looking at the side you came from and it literally makes you cringe, like listening to nails on a chalkboard, (do those things even exist anymore?) then swing those legs over and turn your back to it, because there is practically nothing that could be worse than going back to a life you feel like you are suffering through.
Also, and this is a huge secret so don’t tell anyone, you owe nothing to anyone. Literally nothing, literally no one.
You are the only person in charge of your happiness. You are the only person who has you as number one (and should, tbh).
It sounds selfish because it is selfish. But when it comes to your happiness, selfishness is okay; in fact, I think it’s great. I’m not saying go out and do whatever you feel like and be a shitty human, I just mean when it’s your life in question, you don’t need to feel bad for making decisions that will lead to your ultimate happiness and you do not have to ask for permission. Be responsible, pay your bills, call your mother, stop cancelling plans because you forget about them, or are too emotionally exhausted to think about doing things, but make sure that you do not forget to put your happiness on a pedestal. Go for it, change careers, dump that douche (or not douche, just totally not right for you), cut your hair short, pick up a new crocheting hobby, or, if you are me, stop letting things get to you to the point that you cancel plans, avoid friends, consistently feel lost, guilty, unproductive and hear nails on the chalk board when you wake up every morning.
I am in charge of my own reinvention; I am entitled to my own reinvention, as many times as I want, in as many ways as I choose, and yes, my beautiful friends, so are you.
And so I am going to do just that. My reinvention is going to including things like not being flaky because of my mental health (say no, instead of maybe, don’t make plans when you can’t keep them, and also make plans and keep them because you need your family and friends, you dumb dumb). It’s going to include taking a freelance writing course so writing can start bringing in some income, and maybe one day, it can bring in all of my income. It’s going to include a very strict guideline for where I give my fucks and it will include a long, tough look at my daily life and how I can wake up without cringing at the thought of what my day entails. My reinvention is a mixture of getting my badass adult on, and nurturing, fueling and practicing a creative life as a creative being. And this reinvention is going to be work. Lots of it, both professionally and mentally. But I’ll promise you one thing, I am not going to cut my hair… although I might get another tattoo.. oh, and I promise that it will be 100%, without a single doubt, completely and utterly worth it.
My ultimate goal is satisfaction. Satisfaction in career, satisfaction financially, satisfaction in love, satisfaction in adventure and satisfaction in happiness. I want to wake up with a sigh of relief because I have constructed a life that satisfies all of the things that my heart, body and soul yearn for. I want to struggle, because struggle is what causes some of the highest emotions to bubble out of us, but I want to choose what is worth struggling over. I want to keep reinventing myself as I grow up and I want to make sure that when it’s time for me to join my sweet, sweet girl, wherever that might be, that I have left nothing on the table. I want to have explored every inch of myself, in and out, I want to have found every passion, every curiosity, every yearn, every desire and thoroughly and unapologetically explored them. I want nothing left except a life time of stories and lessons and a whole bunch of love that will pour from my heart, when it beats its last beat, and into those I leave behind.
Enjoy this life while you still can, my friends, because death is inevitable, and life is a 100ft wave, begging to be ridden. You wont make it out alive, but I promise, if you make the drop, it will be one hell of a ride.
proverbially paddling profusely,
3 thoughts on “Reinvention”
Thank you. I really needed to hear this. Your writing is amazing ❤