The Chelsey Diaries

I think i’ll start with i’m sorry
because its what I really want to say
You’ve stood right there be side me
every night and every day
You’ve brought me food and coffee
and encouraged me with words
you’ve helped to force me out of bed
when its sleeping, I preferred.
you sent me gifts and flowers
you made me feel so loved
you gave me Christmas spirit
Lilee watched from up above
I know I’ve said my thank-yous,
I know I’ve said I care
but I don’t think you really understand
what it meant to have you there.

But the reason that i’m sorry
is because I know I’ve been the worst
I haven’t held your hands enough
or been the friend that you are worth
I haven’t seen your new (first) place
or been there to wipe your tears
I’ve haven’t seen you in oh so long
it feels like its been years
I read your words and don’t write back
you comment and you share
you pour your heart into mine
you must feel like I don’t care.
I don’t send you birthday or Christmas cards
and I don’t return your calls
and all though I always think of you
I don’t reach out much at all

You’ve gone and done some amazing things
and made your loved ones proud
I tried to stand supportive
but I think I’ve let you down.
I should have been more vocal,
or seen you before you went away
I should have made the trip
to your graduation day
I should have made a gift
before you embarked on your new life
I should have been there to cry with you
when you were forced to say goodbye

But you see this grief it eats me up
from the inside to the out.
it makes a day full of simple things
like being thirsty in a drought
Its hard to explain how my heart feels
I wonder if its there at all
If it is I know its shattered
I swear I can feel the pieces fall

Please know that I have witnessed
all that you have done
and my broken heart is full of pride
and ALL  the love, plus some.

So please accept this ode,
as my way of making right
Your Christmas card, your birthday card
and to thank you for your light
Christmas time brings out the love
that you make me feel all year
so I hope this poem will help you understand
that your love destroyed my fear.

I promise to be a better friend
even if i’m miles away
with words, and hugs and laughs and wine
All my love, every day.

Merry Christmas, to all of you.

Chelsey xo